come sit next to me/pour yourself some tea _____________

Ducks and stuff

So I watched the finale of "The Apprentice" last night, and it was one of those things where I knew it was a complete waste of time and I should just turn it off, but I couldn't, out of a combination of morbid curiosity and sheer horror.

For one thing, it was waaaay too long. Usually just one hour of Donald Trump talking about how his buildings are "fabulous" and "the largest" and "classiest, world-class" (there was a funny impression of him either by Conan or on SNL, I forget) and "made out of solid gold" and "the biggest ever in the history of New York City and the world and the universe", etc., is enough. I watched the oc of course, so I missed the first hour, thank goodness.

And what was up with it morphing into a Regis Philbin talk show/democratic process/dance party? Regis was this weird minion of Trump (I will never give into the evil forces behind the ridiculous moniker "The Donald!" Never!), sent out into the audience to solicit opinions from various people, including powerful employees of Trump, Kelly and Jen's old bosses, and contestants from the first "Apprentice." It was incredibly strange watching these people read their opinions off of teleprompters. The awkward "Well, Donald, I think"s were hilarious, though. I think one guy's teleprompter broke or something because he had a lot of trouble. Good thing he remembered that he wanted Kelly to win, but unfortunately he didn't know why, and the poor bloke had to mutter an apology and sit down. Even Sugar Ray Leonard robotically plugged his new reality show "The Contender" as a heartfelt, touching show.

So by the time came for Trump to make his decision, there was no drama and anticipation left. Everyone thought Kelly should win, and he did. Trump tried to look tough and decisive when he interrupted Jen while she was reciting her resume and said it was time to announce the winner, even though everyone in the room had basically made the decision for him already.

The one thing that annoys me about Trump, more than his poor delivery of scripted-lines-pretending-to-be-spontaneous-regular-talking, is that he blatantly steals other people's jokes and passes them off as his own. And it's not even like he remembers the joke and tells it to other people at a different time- he repeats it immediately!! For example, when he had the contestants on Jen and Kelly's teams in the boardroom, he asked one woman, who I guess had a reputation of being cutthroat and mean, who she thought should be hired, one of the other contestants said something like, "If she had it her way, she's fire both of them!" To this Trump exclaimed, "She'd fire everybody!"....and everyone laughed!!! Uproariously, even! Including the guy who made the joke in the first place! Trump chuckled along with them and I'm sure he was mentally congratulating himself for making such a classy world-class joke gilded with diamonds and gold.

In conclusion, I will probably watch the next "Apprentice." I also ate a delicious chili cheese hot dog from 7-11 last night.

Ducks and stuff

Friday, December 17